Everybody's Changing...

Must be more than simple LSS.

I've been humming Keane's "Everybody's Changing" for quite some time already and just a few moments ago, I looked up its lyrics and meaning. And guess what?

"the song is about trying to work out where you are in the world, while some of the people around you are going off and doing different things. Tim wrote it while we were really struggling to get anywhere as a band, and we were watching all our friends move away and get on with their lives, while we were stuck in battle getting nowhere, and wondering if we were doing the right thing."

I've been telling myself to quit thinking of my supposed inadequacies, bury my regrets, and just move on. I mean it's terribly hard to be stuck, depressed over the choices I've made and who I've become today. I still feel blessed and thankful for everything that God's been graciously giving me and my family. But in one way or another, I just can't help it. I'm on the fence right now. Guess Keane's album title sums it all up: Hopes and Fears.

Hay, I don't want to be melodramatic. In fact, I never thought I'd feel this way ever! Life's got a way of hitting you when you least expect it, right?

Ah basta, saktong-sakto kasi eh...

So little time

They say patience is a virtue. Still trying to get there, sabi nga nila bata pa raw ako...

Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move to stay in the game

I am. And maybe I'm being too hard on myself...

I try to stay awake and remember my name

Seriously, I've been feeling absent-minded lately. Rest assured, may pagka-OC pa rin ako pero it seems like i don't have much control over things as I used to. Right now, just trying to surrender myself to whatever may come, whatever God wills. Trying to live life one day at a time.

But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

I guess I'm no longer who I used to be. I don't feel the same.

Top Ten Quotable Quotes: Retreat Letters 2000

Isa sa mga highlights ng retreat ang palanca letters. Sa isang banda, malalaman mo kung ano ba talaga ang tingin ng ibang tao sa iyo; sa kabila naman, malalaman mo rin kung gaano ba talaga karami ang mga taong nag-aaksaya ng panahon para tingnan ang iba't ibang aspeto ng pag-uugali mo.

-SHIFT-

But this entry isn't about reflecting over the things that only something as intimate as a letter could divulge. This is about the memorable lines that made me smile when I was on the verge of tears and the lines that made me cry when all along I felt rather plain and nonchalant.

So, in honor of the people who own these thoughts, I'm sharing the top ten quotable quotes of the letters in my "shoe box"... para kahit papaano matawa/maiyak naman kayo. =)

10.

"To tell you honestly, medyo naiilang pa ako sa iyo noong bandang first quarter noong third year. Akala ko kasi maldita ka."

- Eumir

(Ah ok...)

9.

"Alam mo gusto kita. Kasi humble ka (CHARING!!!) at you share your knowledge with others."

- Jot

(I'm touched, seriously... charing!!!)

8.

"Ewan ko ba, ba't nagkakaganito ako! 'Di ko mapigilang magmahal."

- Allen

(Aba hindi ko alam. Actually hindi ko rin alam kung para sa kin ba talaga itong letter na ito. Allen, love life mo ba ang pag-usapan??? Haha)

7.

"Ang buong akala ko noon ay hindi ninyo ako magugustuhan dahil sa antipatika kong pagmumukha."

- Ms. Ref

(Ganun? Ang sagot lang diyan ay: "It is only through the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye." 'Di ba Ma'am? Hehe.)

6.

"Ikaw na rin ang bahalang tumuklas sa mga talang ninais kong abutin, ngunit bagkus pa nga'y sinilaw ako't pinabagsak sa lupaing aking pinanggalingan. Paano ako hinamak ng mga taong binuhusan ko ng sandakot na pag-ibig. Well, iniisip niyong isa akong paniking nagkukunwaring ibon at hayop nang magkasabay... pamuli kong sasabihin sa inyong hindi ako ganoon!"

- Raymond T.

(Kung maibabalik ko lang... ay hindi pala... Maalaala mo kaya... Hay Raymond, never in my adolescent years na naisip kong posible palang magkunwaring paniki at hayop ang isang tao. Ang catch dyan, magkasabay pa! Hihi.)

5.

"Bakit ba ang talino mo? Siguro nasubukan mo na lahat ng paraan ng pandaraya?"

- Sgd. Miriam Quiambao

(Miriam Quiambao?!?!?! Gosh, I never knew that Miriam Quiambao was studying in an all-boys school! Carlo, este Miriam, aymberisori pero never pa ako nandaya sa school... Ows? Hehe.)

4.

"You've really been a special part of me since the day na natuto ako sa buhay."

- Mark

(Patay na, seryoso na.)

3.

"Sa loob ng mahabang taon na pinagsamahan natin, natuklasan ko na isa kang mabait, mapagbigay at pastor. Sana naman tulungan mo ko sa mga homeworks at assignments."

- Sieg

(Si Darwin pastor?!?!?! Hay naku Sieg, assignments lang pala kailangan mo nambola ka pa. Hehe.)

2.

"UR GREAT, HE KNEW DAT, U KNEW DAT, I KNEW DAT."

- Ehljay

(PEEZ AWT NIGGAH! Who knew what nga uli?)

1.

"Kaya kong mag-survive. Remember, laki ako sa lupa. Kaya kong makibagay kahit kanino at sany ako sa hirap ng buhay at ayaw ko itong danasin niyo."

- Tatay

(Oh ayan, seryoso na talaga.)

Para sa lahat, salamat!

Burning

How could you heal
If you've never been hurt?
Won't pain be wise to feel
Since to learning it gives birth?
To the waves of the sea
Who bore witness to the Phoenix's rise
The burning's an indelible memory
Of how time has rolled the dice
Through choices that danced
At the outskirts of the bonfire
Flames weaving through the shore of chance
That never seemed to tire

I wandered

Looking to be anchored by a shot of sanity
So that I could soar despite not knowing what for
Till the flames died to embers and embers to ashes
Filling red glows with darkness to their very core

Lightning struck.
Rebirth. Hoping for
Inspiration.